There are so many things I want to address about this year because somehow, it was different. I can’t even begin to say what or why or how the hell this year has retained such the impact, but I won’t just let the thoughts pass me by.

I learned how life can bite you in the ass sometimes. Hard. I’ve always thought of myself as somewhat of a strong person based on feelings and emotions, but I proved myself wrong this year. On a lot of levels I just got scared of the outcomes seeing as I thought of the worse out of situations, but when they turned out differently, the relief couldn’t have felt any better. Even so, you just wished the problem never happened in the first place and can’t help that train of thought on what you could have done to prevent it. The burden of thinking about that still kind of makes my heart a little heavy sometimes, but what the heck, shit happens.

Damn, so much negativity in here. The best thing to do is *cue cliche effect* just try your best to bury it all down and start the year with your head held high. There’s this notion I always try to put in my head, “expect for the worst but hope for the best”. No point in trying to elaborate the lows, right? I mean how big could my problems have been compared to those of others? We can’t be given problems we can’t solve or handle, the key is just to think that way, with hopes of it not destroying you.

I guess this year was meant to happen because it was meant to teach me on how to deal with shit when it comes my way. I never complained much about it, some say it’s just the initiation to “real life”. Fuck that shit, life can’t get any more real.

I’m still coming to terms on the fact that I’m not a kid anymore, I just still like to think that I still am and do as I please. Bumming around, living off my parents’ earnings (I know I’m obliged to but still). I’ve hit a roadblock. I want to shed the “almost-post-teen” crisis. I guess I just want to feel that carefree feeling again you know? Like how I always seem to be and how others usually see me. But I know this carefree business isn’t going to get me anywhere.

Welcome to the dark side, J.